


strange addiction

by Rhombea



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Elf/Human Relationship(s), Falling In Love, Insecurity, Lime, M/M, Self-Doubt, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 14:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20027392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhombea/pseuds/Rhombea
Summary: Dorian coming to terms with being endlessly addicted to the inquisitor





	strange addiction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for clicking on my story, I hope you like it!  
It's a small gift for my friend with her male!Lavellan inquisitor (Eldryn) and his love interest.  
This is the first time I really cut a lot of passages from the song for the oneshot, simply because Billie Eilish does not have simple songs lol.  
Please enjoy!

Don't_ ask questions you don't wanna know_  
_ Learned my lesson way too long ago_  
_ To be talking to you, belladonna _

The inquisitor was… news, quite literally.  
Dorian had met so many people. Tevinter people, Orleasian people, elven, humans, mages, templars, royals, slaves, and so many more. He regretted meeting most of them, not all, not the inquisitor. Eldryn was different on a whole new level, from how he held himself to how open he talked to any and all of the people collected at skyhold. And there were a lot, the most diverse bunch Dorian had ever seen. But Eldryn never judged, stood above it all. Never had there ever been someone Dorian found so perfectly fitted for the role he was made out to be.

And yet, there were parts that he tried to be in denial about. If anything, Dorian of all people felt like he must be the most reasonable of all that were gathered. A gay mage from Tevinter, was there anything more that would put him at the risk of being executed with the first wrong word? Or the first touch - an ever so fleeting one he didn't even want to imagine?

Probably not, so he refrained from being that little bit too much. Yes, wasn't he terribly obnoxious at times? Don't think he didn't hear the folks talking about his narcism, but at least they were more concerned with this than what he really was. And no one ever bothered to go deeper than this first layer he showed to the world. It was like the perfect masquerade, the good game of him playing the role he was assigned. And yet, it was almost too perfect, tumbling at the first fresh breeze that hit his house of carefully placed cards.

A gust of wind like Eldryn, and Dorian could hear himself crumble with every word the two exchanged. There was so much Dorian wanted Eldryn to know, but at the same time, wished he wouldn't ever find out. But it was to no avail. Who was he to stop the inquisitor from asking up and down Dorian's lineage? And though he tried to keep it curt, Eldryn knew exactly how to get even the last bit of information out of him.

Eldryn had questions. Many, many, at times. More than even Dorian could answer, but he tried his best to humor the elf and was rewarded with what may have been the best he could have expected from the situation. Compliments, interest - especially in Dorian himself -, attention. Some amused grins from the inquisitor and a handful of subtle, underlying flirts. No matter how much he tried to convince himself he wanted none of it, Dorian literally bloomed through these, feeling more alive than ever. All the harder it was when they exchanged their goodbyes for the day, leaving Dorian behind in the library. Alone, so he could chastise himself for the little bit of oversharing he let slip yet once again.

Could Eldryn really want to know all these things he was telling him? Could there really be an interest? Certainly, there must have been questions he regretted asking. Some answers of the Tevinter where unconventional, stubborn insides in his own opinions. It couldn't have been possible that Eldryn - next to listening to everyone and all opinions around him - could find any value in the ones Dorian spouted. Right?

What was yet more interesting than Eldryn's curiosity though, were all these questions that suddenly started in Dorian's mind. Was it all just show? Was this like any other relationship he had where two shared a little bit of interest in each other? Could this really be a thing or was Eldryn just another person Dorian would regret meeting? Even if it was the dimmest of all spark, could there be hope for a heart so torn as Dorian's was?

They were stupid questions that he didn't even want to answer in the first place.

He was pretending to see something as if he didn't know what would happen in the end anyway.

Intrigued and foolish. That's what Dorian was.

_Take what I want when I wanna  
And I want ya_

With every day that passed, Dorian knew something must happen - and something was happening. Like a vortex, he was pulled into the elf's game. Never could he have expected just how well Eldryn new how to wrap Dorian around his little finger. With all his encouragements and friendly acts that he did, going out of his way as the inquisitor to help Dorian with unimportant business that needed some attention. Admittedly, he wasn't even sure if Eldryn knew about how daring he was for the magician, but Dorian noticed, much to his disapproval.

He noticed all the small hints. From Eldryn's eyes sparking up when their sights graced each other while the inquisitor passed the library to get to Leliana. He sure could have taken the shortcut to the next flight of stairs, but Eldryn may have enjoyed being able to greet Dorian on his way up. There were also all the small giggles when the two were walking around the fields of the Hinterlands, talking about the most random anecdote Dorian could find. Could someone really enjoy the sarcastic jokes Dorian had, or was it merely a tactful act of the inquisitor? Not to forget that one time they shared the water flask. Eldryn taking a sip right after the magician, only to poof up bright red in the face and turning away as Dorian looked on. It was almost tragically obvious, and Dorian wasn't stupid enough not to notice all of this and more.

But he wondered, did Eldryn ever notice too? The way Dorian's eyes lingered on the elf's lips when he spoke about all the things he wanted to share desperately with the mage. It had something sensual to it how much his lips vibrated from the excitement, Dorian never managed to stop him. The incredible short touches they sometimes shared when getting their gear ready for travel? Someone's got to help the inquisitor put on the backpack and secure his sword where he can't reach. Dorian was more than happy to help with that, friendly as he was. And the playing around on his mustache when Eldryn showed up in that one pair of pants he had, that just showed about enough for Dorian to dream about it at night? Well, a man could dream, right? Dream of less clothing, less talking, less helping and instead a little bit more of taking. Right?

If it was desire or love, Dorian couldn't tell. There was a lot of both, hell, it probably was both. Dorian had many opportunities to at least satisfy his desires, though he found himself less and less interest in anyone else if it wasn't Eldryn. In fact, more and more interested in Eldryn too, starting with small talk about his life as a Dalish, to deep conversations about his raising and family over the occasional keg at the tavern. Dorian relished in the few moments the two of them just had to each other, with no one roughly interrupting and no urgent matter to be solved. It was so much more satisfying to share something as fragile as one's stories of life than to desire any fling he could have had at the same time.

But somewhere between confronting his father and regaining his amulet, he must have really fallen into this damn awful thing called love. Dorian loathed himself for it, for the lingering need of a touch, or a kiss. Even just a word with the inquisitor would have been enough to still his aching heart. He wanted it so badly, he wanted him so badly by his side that it was like a fire starting to spread every time the two met. And it slowly was eating away on Dorian, only waiting for him to finally burn the barricade he had put up to be on the safer side. After all, he knew, the closer he got, the more painful their inevitable break would be.

And they would, right? Nothing that he could imagine to be so beautiful as a union of them, would ever last if not in his dreams.

But maybe he just had to try. Just do it.

_Bad, bad news_   
_ One of us is gonna lose_   
_ I'm the powder, you're the fuse_   
_ Just add some friction _

"Dorian-"

Eldryn was swiftly cut off by their clashing lips. Sweet, delicious release rushing through his veins, Dorian was more than happy to hear his own name. There was nothing that would have been able to stop him now, and by the way Eldryn pressed back against his body, wrapping his arm around his neck, it didn't seem like he wanted any holdbacks either.

Yet, what a child he was. Playing with the fire that could possibly destroy his very being. If it wasn't for the need that had to be soothed, would he have ever gone so far as to corner his dearest friend? Even if they both had voiced their attraction before, was it something he could use to his advantage? With every contact, every hit of their lips, Dorian felt himself more and more drawn in to the species Eldryn was. Just like a moth to the goddamn light, he was about to lose even the last restrictions he had if the elf had dared him to.

It was an immature, irresponsible loss of self-control. And while in his head voices screamed that he needed to stop, to end this, to be more reasonable - Dorian couldn't. Oh, how could he, with Eldryn moaning lightly against his lips, moving towards the mage, even urging the kiss on himself?

Hidden in the corner of the library, this make-out maybe hadn't been the best idea of either of them, but who could blame them? Both very much pent up with the stress and frustration, their intimacy was mercy for them at best. There was only so much that could keep Dorian from doing even more of the things he dreamed of at night, especially when he was confronted with so much… honesty. Like a glass of honesty yam, simply splashed out in front of him, luring him. How could Dorian not dip a finger in it and have a taste?

"I will make it up to you," he stated, clutching his pendant in his hand a little tighter. "I don't know how yet, but-"

"Just open up a little," Eldryn noted, letting his finger rest over Dorian's mouth, urging him to be silent. With a smile playing on his mouth, he watched the small gasp that escaped Dorian, as Eldry n's thumb brushed over his lips. "Sera says you could lose a little bit more Tevinter. Maybe that's what you need," he teased, eyes shying up and down between Dorian's lips and eyes. Oh, what a tempter he was. A white-haired, pointed-ears, honey-voiced, surprisingly witty temptation. At least for the magician.

"Being more honest around people would suit you. Especially around yourself."

As soon as the words left Eldry n's mouth, there was an unnoticeable growl stuck in Dorian's throat. If only the inquisitor knew about all the honest feelings and especially things, he wanted to do to him, practically ripping apart his body if it meant telling Eldryn with his own words. But just as quickly, Dorian realized that this could never be a thing. Because, how could one be honest if he could not manage to lose this untouchable presence that he had made himself up to be? If it was for Eldryn, would Dorian ever be able to make himself so easily accessible?

The smile that the magician returned was meek when he finally answered. "I will think about it." His words were a low purr at best, trying to hide the insecurity that they held. For the last time in a while, he leaned forward for a kiss. Nothing he deserved, but everything he needed, and Dorian relished in the touch of Eldry n's hands on his body, sparking hope though also fears. Much too soon the elf tore himself away from Dorian, leaving his body moving subconsciously into his direction for more.

"I'll be ready when you're done thinking about it," Eldryn noted, pecking his lips against Dorian's one last time in an act of merciful teasing, before slipping out of the hold they had on each other. And just like Dorian feared every time it happened, he was left alone again to his thoughts. To all these awfully complicated thoughts, with his skin on fire where they had touched. If anyone knew how to ignite such mixed feelings of joy and despair in Dorian, then it must have been Eldryn.

And he'd be damned if he denied enjoying the torture just a little bit.

_You are my strange addiction_   
_ You are my strange addiction_   
_ My doctors can't explain_   
_ My symptoms or my pain_   
_ But you are my strange addiction _

It took a while for Dorian to understand the special relationship that he had formed in his mind with Eldryn. Unsurprisingly though, he needed another to tell him about it. Cullen's… addiction wasn't something nice to talk about. In fact, he was surprised he would tell the Tevinter mage, but he did it mostly to clear his own mind Dorian figured. But all the more it helped him understand what it was that had him wrapped around Eldry n's little finger.

He was endlessly addicted. Without even noticing.

To all the shy smiles Eldryn would throw into his direction, the times he played around on the hem of Dorian's clothes. How Eldryn dutifully came by every day to check up on him. Hell, he probably was even addicted to the few times Eldryn let out a snort instead of a laugh when Dorian told him something funny. It was adorable, he did not regret hearing it in the slightest.

But it all summed up perfectly: The constant want to be close, to talk, to feel, to touch. Even the want to open up more and get more exclusive with Eldryn, yes it all matched just fine. Dorian was addicted to him in more than only one way. Maybe he even was addicted to just wanting it but realizing his addiction, he couldn't help but wonder how incredible it would feel to fulfill all of these desires and wants.

It would have been glorious for sure.

But with the realization, something else hit. Pain, fear. All the insecurities he already had suddenly decided to revolt inside of him. After all, what was he? Not a good man, not a good soul. He had nothing to offer at his current state and if he were truly sincere, probably never would. It pained him to call himself that, but against Eldryn he was nothing but a failure and he would never be able to stand on the same ground as the inquisitor, even if he liked powerfully presenting himself.

To think of himself worthy enough to be with Eldryn, it was simply torturing. If Dorian left it at what it was right now, he might have been able to move on. Find someone else, still live a decent life. And Eldryn too, would get over him, find someone to love and cherish. He had it easy with this golden tongue of his, making people of every class and standards sympathize with him. At least one of them would not end up sad and heartbroken over something neither one could name or explain anyway.

Admittedly, everything was kind of confusing and blurry in his mind. For every lousy thought, there were a million good ones and vice versa. It was hard - almost impossible - to find a standing ground somewhere in that mind of the Tevinter. He tried, lost his balance, tumbled into another fit of 'what if's' and 'better not's'. And whenever he thought he had the answer, he lost it to another thought of Eldryn.

Addiction was a strange thing. Even if Dorian wished to end it right on the spot, he could not help his eyes to follow as Eldryn passed him, giving him that tiny smile, paired with a friendly greeting. Sure enough, he was immediately lured in again, setting aside these bad, ill feelings of his for a second to call out to the inquisitor. Maybe he had gone mad, driven by his addiction already as he formed the words, but he wasn't going to take them back any time soon.

"Have you been to your quarters lately, by chance?" he asked, Eldryn giving him the cutest furrowing of his brows before replying. "Not recently."

"Do, when you have the time. There's... something there that might interest you."

_Deadly fever, please don't ever break_   
_ Be my reliever 'cause I don't self medicate_   
_ And it burns like a gin and I like it_   
_ Put your lips on my skin and you might ignite it_   
_ Hurts, but I know how to hide it, kinda like it _

And it was, in fact, glorious.

Who would have thought it could be so good, so right, so absolutely destroying. To feel, to hear, to see what Dorian had sought after for such a long time. The swift rolls of Eldry n's tongue, complimenting the sound of Dorian's name in just the right pitch with every thrust of their hips. The coverage of their skins in the tiniest of teeth mark made for such a beautiful decoration too, and god beware, they were far from done.

It was like all these problems - how Dorian realized, he had made into issues in the first place - were nothing more as remnants of his doubts in any and all people that were out there. When in reality, this could have solved with a little bit less time doting on the thoughts, and instead taking more actions. Something, he was more known for anyway.

Of course, it would have been nice if Dorian could have helped himself out of the dilemma he was in. But did he really want that, when his real relieve was such an acquirable temptation?

This could have either been the peak of his addiction, the delirium before death, or in fact, it was the holy grace washing down on him. All he knew was that he was lit on fire. Eldryn driving his fingers down his am - burning. Eldryn kissing him, his lips - on fire. Eldryn sighing, "Dorian…" in between what very well could have been described as the most primal the two had ever been with each other - igniting even the last of his cells.

At the same time, when Dorian leaned down into the touch of his lover, Eldry n's body against his like ointment, he felt incredibly at peace. As if that's where he belonged, in his arms. As if he was the only thing to ever heal this addiction and all the pain, even if he was responsible for putting Dorian through all of it in the first place.

But he could see the change in Eldryn too. He seemed almost relieved. Was it because Dorian had finally opened up? Or just the literal relieve from sex? Happy, content, that's what he radiated. There were no bad intentions or doubts in Eldry n's eyes as there were in Dorian's. Maybe for the sake of his happiness, Dorian could endure the pain that he had suppressed in himself. And staying close, perhaps he could be healed from it at the same time.

Even if this wouldn't last. Even if the two could never find that happy end all people strived after. Yes, even if it would hurt like hell, like ripping his own soul out of his body or letting himself be torn apart by a dragon - Dorian had to admit, he like this.

He liked it a lot.

_Bite my glass, set _myself_ on fire_  
_Can't you tell I'm crass?_  
_Can't you tell I'm wired?_  
_Tell me "Nothing lasts"_  
_Like I don't know_  
_You could kiss my as-king about my motto _

Eldryn probably had never seen Dorian so tense, yes, almost upset, while the Tevinter inspected the inquisitor's lodging. The snide remarks where something to laugh about for the elf, who really couldn't care less about how his quarters looked, but Dorian hoped it would overplay his anxiety if he just kept on commenting long enough.

Sitting down at the edge of the bed, the wood squeaked lightly under the added weight. It was just enough sound to cover the bit of sigh that rolled off Dorian's lips. Not enough to fool Eldryn though about it. "You seem a little… distracted," he noted, propping his head on his upright arm. "Sex will do that. It's distracting."

"I heard a rumor." The corner of Dorian's mouth chirped up for a second as he listened to the soothing voice of his lover, the remark being just to his liking. He gripped his thighs with his hands, skin turning white under the pressure. Just a tiny bit he hoped Eldryn would let the topic go, but his eyes on the mage where enough answer, piercing his intently. "Very well, you've rooted me out. There is something I want," Dorian finally admitted, biting his lips as he thought about the phrases he was going to say.

"I am curious where this goes, you and I. We've had fun. Perfectly reasonable to leave it here, get on with the business of killing Archdemons and such…" Pausing, he felt Eldryn shift in the bed, moving his body over to sit beside Dorian - who, awkwardly, kept his gaze towards the stony ground under his chilly feet.

Hesitating, Eldryn took the chance of Dorian's silence to speak up, slowly mouthing the words that overcame him. It was almost like he was… afraid to do anything wrong, just like Dorian was, even if he was much better in hiding it. "Tell me what you want."

"All on me, then?"  
"Should it be all on me?"

The two fell back into silence, with Dorian the first to break. With tension on his shoulder, he let out a long sigh. What followed would be hard. Maybe not as hard as keeping away from the inquisitor before, but speaking out his emotions surely was hard enough for the mage. "I like you. More than I should. More than what might be wise," he admitted, clenching his teeth once the confession left him.

"We end it here, I walk away. I won't be pleased, but I'd rather now than later. Later might be dangerous."

"Why dangerous?" Eldryn popped up, an expression of honest confusion on his face.

Thoughtful, Dorian avoided his gaze again. No matter how hard it was to look away, when Eldryn was right there, for his eyes and mind to relish in the sight, he couldn't possibly tell that it to him without making a grimace. And that's nothing Dorian wanted to show. "Walking away might be harder then," he almost whispered, though there was no one besides Eldryn to hear.

For another short while, dooming silence befell the two. Eldryn's hands finding each other in his lap, wringing over dominance. The air was thicker with tension than the fate would ever be, and Dorian was only a heartbeat away from getting up, throwing a joke, grabbing his garments and leave. But part of him held him back, no matter how awful the thoughtful silence was.

"I want more than just fun, Dorian."

His mouth opened, but no words came out of it in return. Eldryn seemed to flinch in surprise when he looked up, meeting Dorian's wide-open eyes looking back before he quickly turned his head away. Covering his face with a hand, he tried to overplay the gleam of red on his perplexion, something not many had achieved to rise in him. There was a short snort from Eldryn, Dorian's heart falling into the basement of skyhold, thinking it had all just been a joke.

"Speechless, I see," Eldryn remarked mischievously. "I was…" Dorian stuttered, twirling his hand once in the air as he searched for words. "-expecting something different." He couldn't help but let out a stuck breath in his throat before continuing his explanation, something Dorian felt he needed to do. Maybe Eldryn just didn't know? He barely had any experience beside the mage anyway.

"Where I come from, anything between two men… it's about pleasure. It's accepted, but taken no further."

There was this awful tension in his whole body. From his strained shoulders to the massive knot in his stomach, to the fog in his mind. One part of him wanted to be happy, the other didn't want to put too many expectations out. But the 'what if's' came coming and more and more. Oh, how was he supposed to tell Eldryn when he was such a mess himself?

"You learn not to hope for more. You'd be foolished to," he eventually fessed up between clenched teeth. Dorian could feel how he pushed Eldryn away and away, more and more, but he couldn't stop all these raging doubts in his mind.

Loosening the hands in his lap, Eldryn sat upright, seemingly having a great idea come to mind, as he slapped his palms onto his thighs. "So let's be foolish," he emphasized. And when Dorian looked up, all he could see was the determination he had followed after for so long now. It was Eldryn's specialty: Making people believe that there was hope and a way to move forward. The reason why everyone followed the elf, the reason why they stayed.

"Hard habits are hard to break," Dorian mumbled, lips curling into a sheepish smile. Oh, how he wanted to let himself sink into the little bit of confirmation and security, Eldryn offered him. How ready he was just to melt into it, even if it wasn't something to hold on forever. But, with all his heart, body, and mind, he wished it was, at least until the end of his time.

Because he was just so endlessly addicted to Eldryn.

_You are my strange addiction_   
_You are my strange addiction_   
_My doctors can't explain_   
_My symptoms or my pain_   
_But you are my strange addiction _


End file.
